SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize