dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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