ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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