he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
