how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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