While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize