idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
