Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
