So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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