she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
