your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
