420 ftw
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my poor anus
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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