i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
