So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
