New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
