She is in my trunk
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
