there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
