Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
