roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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