I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
