her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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