my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
