I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
