omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
