yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize