I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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