BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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