Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
