i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize