I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
