Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
