I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
