my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
