I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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