He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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