i just google imaged poop.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
two words: eviction party
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
