a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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