There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
