The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
