I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
