I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
