sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
