If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
