if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
