I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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