Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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