She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
