just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They took my balls.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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