My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
