Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
