I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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