At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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