You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
