new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
