i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
