Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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