We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
