I think I died a long time ago.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
