Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
