When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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