the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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