That's intense
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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