Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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