Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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