Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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