Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
