my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
