I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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