Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize