So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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