I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize