so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
