insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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