I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She bit a glass in half.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
