Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
