Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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