best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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