I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
