god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
