Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
