he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
