Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
