So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize