fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
