My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
