we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
