Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
