My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am one with the molecules
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
