He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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