I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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