If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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