Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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